mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize