Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
