The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
