She is in my trunk
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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