She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
