dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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