I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
