Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
