dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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