omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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