What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
