1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
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dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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