This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
