but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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