what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
