either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
