I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
