once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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