if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
