He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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