I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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