Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
