I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
