Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
