I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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