On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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