So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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