My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
