Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
