He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
