so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
