I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
