I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I touched a dick in church today
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
