he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
