my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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