Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
