I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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