Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
