It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
