This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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