i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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