If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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