well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize