Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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