Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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