made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the condom got lost in my hair
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
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His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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