when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
