She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
