oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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