Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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