we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
