My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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