I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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