Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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