i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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