are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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