Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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