Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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