so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
