he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
