hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
