she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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