That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
