Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
