I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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