I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
