i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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