I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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