Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
