If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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