it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i've created a new STD.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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