you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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