Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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