We're like a lot better than the average bears
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
