can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
