Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
