I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
NoShamevember. You game?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
